I Believe, I Believe, I Believe...

I think some of my friends and family have been surprised by how much I have talked about God and faith lately.  Even I've been a little surprised by the new spiritual zest in my life.

As I've said before, I was raised a Christian...but I've always been a fairly silent believer.  I was never one to break down the church doors anytime they opened, or spout off bible verses from memory.  If asked about my faith, I may have been a little uncomfortable...it was important to me, it just wasn't something I discussed.

The difference is that now, when I least expect it, I remember that my son died.  It starts with a sinking feeling in my stomach that something is terribly wrong, and then I remember that Rip is gone.  I think, Rip is gone and there is nothing I can do to change that for the rest of my life...why am I still standing...why am I still able to go on with my day...why was I smiling an hour ago?

And then the answer is there.  The only reason I am able to do those things is because Rip is in heaven.  The only reason my son is safe is because there is a God.  The only reason I am able to smile is because I will see Rip again one day.  The only reason I have comfort is because I have faith.

So yes, I realize that sometimes these days I sound like a bit of a religious fanatic.  But I thank God every day for that too.