Wednesday, June 8, 2011

The Sound of Sunshine

After Rip passed away, one of my first thoughts was how much I wanted to have children.  Sometime in those first grief-stricken weeks I circled a date on the calendar, April 21, 2011.  It was the 111th day of the year and, as you know, the number 11 is special to me because it reminds me of Rip.  I decided that was the day I would be pregnant again... and yes, I may have been slightly drugged at the time.


April 21st rolled around and I took a pregnancy test...it was negative.  An emotional day got even worse when I heard a song on the radio that reminded me of Rip.  It's kind of a cheesy Michael Franti song, but there is a line in it..."here i am, waiting for this storm to pass my by and that's the sound of sunshine coming down" that I hung on to during Rip's pregnancy.  Now it just seemed like another kick while I was down.


But then, the whole "sound of sunshine coming down" part started to stick in my head.  I came home, looked at Parke, and said "I am going to get another pregnancy test" (ever the practical one, he said, "great, grab me a Snickers").


This time a positive line started to show...and then disappeared.  I was devastated.


I felt like I literally could not take one more minute of this, it was the lowest I have felt since we lost Rip.  Not knowing what else to do, I got on my knees and prayed. I kid you not when I say a rainbow appeared shortly after I stood up.


The next day I received another positive test...this one stuck.  I am now almost 11 weeks pregnant.  To say that I am happy about it would be an understatement.


And yet...I am so scared.


Even though I truly believe this baby is a miracle, a God-given blessing, I am afraid.


So I very selfishly ask for your prayers.  Being Rip's mother has taught me so many things, not the least of which is the power of having others believe for you when you are not strong enough to do it yourself.


I am trying to enjoy every day, to be grateful every day for this little bit of "sunshine" who will be so loved by her (just guessing here...but "her" feels right) family and, I believe, has a very special angel guiding her way.
I am so thankful for my family, my friends and, most especially, my children.

17 comments:

  1. Yay!!! I've been waiting, waiting, waiting for this post! Congrats girl!

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  2. Lay your worries down...Let God take them all...Don't let them stand in the way of your enjoyment of each moment of this beautiful journey. So happy for you.
    Mama Rucci's Mama

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  3. BEST.NEWS.EVER. I was so thrilled when I got your email and I'm so glad it's public knowledge so I can talk about how thrilled I am that God has chosen this for you! LOVE YOU!!!
    PS-there are more prayers are going on for Sunshine than (she?) can count!!!
    xoxox
    Julia

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  4. Congratulations :)

    After losing my daughter Charlotte in November, I am now almost 20 weeks pregnant. I am a range of emotions every day, so know you're not alone.

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  5. Congrats Parke and Anne! We are so excited for you! Lifting you and your sweet family up in prayers. Love, Jacquie and Kevin

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  6. How wonderful! I will pray for you and baby every day!

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  7. Anne, I am so happy for you! What wonderful news! You and your sweet baby will be in my prayers!

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  8. I am so thrilled for y'all Anne! We are sending many prayers your way! Loved seeing you last weekend!

    Amanda

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  9. Yayyyy Anne! What wonderful news!! I love your blog - your humor, courage and honesty! You, Parke and your baby are absolutely in my prayers!! Much love!

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  10. Thank you all SO much for your sweet words and prayers, they mean the world to us!!!

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  11. I am a friend of a friend who gave me your blog address when a friend of mine went through a similar experience. Your words have been helping my friend! I have been praying for you for months and am thrilled to add your baby to my prayer list! Congratulations, Anne!

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  12. Congrats Anne! I have been keeping up with your blog after we reconnected on FB. Your journaling shows how strong you are and how strong your faith is. And God has been faithful to you. I pray that this pregnancy will go smooth and that this little baby will be a tremendous blessing...and I'm sure he/she already has been!

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  13. Congratulations Anne! You probably have no idea how many people you inspire (and make laugh) through your blog. Thanks be to God for your faith and this wonderful news! You, your baby and your family are in my prayers each day!

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  14. Woohoo! Love you all! I look forward to seeing you rocking a tankini later this summer :)

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  15. Anne!!! I am overjoyed for you. A thousand hoorays!!!!

    Wish I could give you a good ol' belly pat. And a hug, too :)

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  16. annagreen0623@gmail.comJune 9, 2011 at 7:56 PM

    Congratulations Anne! I am thrilled for you! I will be praying for you and this precious baby!!!!

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  17. Sunshine dances in our lives through many wonders...the most wonderous is life!

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