Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Bigger than Breakfast

I will challenge you to find a more ecstatic, overwhelmingly, off-the wall happy woman on this earth than I will be the day this baby arrives safely into my arms.  The excitement and expectation I have looking forward to that day is bigger than words can say.

Last Friday, we had an ultrasound to do some prenatal testing, and everything looked great.  Even though the tech said was too early to really tell, I persuaded her to give me an "educated guess"...she did, only after making me promise I would not go out and buy anything.  She guessed girl.

I am going to be that crazy/happy woman no matter what this baby is, but as someone who has pretty strong feelings over what I eat for breakfast in the morning, of course I am going to feel something over the sex of my child.

And I actually kind of took me by surprise how much feeling I had.

On one hand, I had visions of tutus dancing in my head.  Being a girly-girl myself, and having such a close relationship with my own mother, I have always imagined myself with a little girl.  A little mini-me who will wear big bows and develop a serious passion for TJ Maxx.

On the other hand, there was a real sense of loss.  If Rip were still here, we would have our boy and our girl...the perfect combination.  Parke would have his son.  I would have that little man who loves his mama.

As I said, the day this baby arrives healthy, whether it is a he or a she will be the last thing on my mind, my joy will be that great.  It will be a little while before we find out for sure, but I think right now it is healthy to feel something either way and to be honest with myself about these feelings...after all, this is much bigger than breakfast.

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