Friday, September 24, 2010

Red in the Face

One of my newest pregnancy symptoms seems to be an extreme tendency to blush at inappropriate times, namely at work.

My job is for all intents and purposes as a secretary, and I have been busting my behind for the past 2+ years to show that I can do much more than make copies and answer phones. I think all of my hard work is a bust now that I now have the world's worst tendency to get hot and flustered at the drop of a hat. One minute I am fine and the next I am in the middle of explaining something to someone "superior" to me and my whole body goes hot and gets beet red and my eyes feel like they are going to explode.

It's not even the kind of blush you can kind of wave away and pretend like you are just having a little hot flash, it's like the kind of blush where your eyes are watering and wooshing sounds start in your ears. I look like a COMPLETE fool. And of course then the person says, "Ooooh, have I embarrassed you?" or just looks at me like I have lost my mind, at which point I really do get embarrassed and turn a nice shade of puce.

I know in the grand scheme of things this is not a big deal, but good lord, it's really hard to get people to take you seriously when you look like a fat, red sweaty tomato. Not exactly the image I was going for...

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

My best friend's third cousin's dog is dead...or why I now listen to country music

This whole vasa previa diagnosis has been a pretty traumatic event in my life. Even though I know it is highly unlikely now that we know about it, I still have a tendency to feel like something terrible is going to happen at any moment. I spend hours lying around with my shirt up watching for signs of movement, and heaven help the kid if he doesn't jump to it, because my next step is drinking ice cold water to get him hopping...or eating something spicy, which usually just results in giving him the hiccups. I usually try this around 2:00 am when I can't sleep. I am definitely not winning mother of the year.

Anyway, one of the many ways I have found to distract myself from the whole business is by listening to country music. I went through I country music stage in high school, even attending a Country Music "Fest" at one point, but have generally moved away from it since then. Until now. I tell you what, if you are going through something in your life, just tune in to the local country music station. These people have it BAD. Their moms, cousins, girlfriends, or cats are all dead. They have no jobs, no money, and no choice but to drink mass amounts of tequila. Despite it all they are quite proud of their cars, yards, and the US of A. They also display an impressive faith in God. All in all, these people are on to something.

So, realizing that I am just going to be a nervous wreck until I have this baby in my arms, in the meantime I thought I would let you know I am getting quite a lot of comfort from my new musical genre. I mean, at least my best friend's dog did not run off with my husband and I'm not drowning myself in "straight tequila night"s...right?

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Vasa Who?

Control is a funny thing. I have always been someone who likes to have complete and total control over any given situation. I knew going in that pregnancy/parenthood was not really a "controlled" situation but these latest developments have really thrown me for a loop.

Yesterday I was officially diagnosed with vasa previa by the Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor at MUSC. This was a terrible experience, mainly because the doctor had one foot out the door the entire time she "explained" the condition to us. Her basic diagnosis was that I lived too far from the hospital to do anything if I started bleeding before my scheduled c-section and that I should try to eat a lot of red meat so my iron count would be high if me or the baby bled out. As you can imagine, my panic level was through the roof by the time we left.

Luckily for me, cooler heads prevailed (mainly my mom's and Parke's) and I was able to get an appointment today with my regular doctor. The nurse at my doctor's office said the magic words, music to my ears, "don't worry honey, we are going to get you a plan."

Now, I know plans rarely if ever go accordingly...but even a rough draft of a plan seems better to me than feeling like I have a ticking time bomb in my stomach. The only plan I have right now is to run around with a bloody steak in my mouth, so yes, a plan B sounds great thanks.

My automatic assumption is that the baby will be fine, because in my life everything has always turned out fine. I have always had faith that God is in control, and I still believe that...but there is that slight doubt that maybe I have been TOO blessed. People have terrible things happen to them every day, what if this is it and my blessings have been used up? I know in my heart that is not the way He works, but it is harder to wrap my head around the concept.

So back to control. In the midst of all of this, the copier machine at my office jammed. This was the kind of jam that involves taking out small parts and pieces with the machine blaring it's protest the whole time. The rest of the office decided to put an "Out of Order" sign on it until we could get professional help.

Two hours of taking the copier apart and putting it back together, I fixed the darn thing. It would be sad to try to describe the sense of elation I got when the screen confirmed that yes, it would copy again. My life may feel completely out of control right now, but the copier has never run so smoothly. And sometimes that is all you can do.