Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Why do we need to know?

I am sitting on a tropical island right now. I am writing this blog post because what I just heard on the television behind me, I couldn't keep inside.
They are having a round table discussion about whether or not the Newtown CT 911 tapes should be played publicly, and most of these people are agreeing that it is our right as Americans to hear them.
I want to ask  each of these people if they have ever lost a child.
I did, at one week old I lost my son to meningitis. I was with him every moment until he died. And still I cannot walk into a hospital, eat red and white mints, or wash my hands without thinking of him, remembering the day he died.
These parents, the ones of the babies who were killed that day, they have it worse. The worst fear of every parent in America, in the world.
So why- why, why, why- is it our right to make this harder for them? One year later they are trying so hard. They are trying so so hard to heal. To have Christmas for their other children, to make the memories of the children they lost mean something. Why, on top of everything else, should they live in fear of turning on their TVs and hearing something they already hear in their worst nightmares? How can we possibly say we have the right to know?
I wrote this quickly and angrily, and I'll probably regret doing so. Surely there are people who need to hear these tapes, who can learn something from them...but for the rest of us... It's just not about "us".