For some reason, ever since I posted this earlier this morning, I've had a nagging feeling. I don't know why, everything I wrote is true...I guess it still just felt a little too, "So (clap my hands) that's that!".
I think I just need to be very clear and honest here...that is certainly not that. No matter how many times I am able to see God in our loss, it does not take away from the pain of losing.
In all of the books I have read, the one I appreciated least was one where a mother said that immediately after losing her child, she dropped to her knees and thanked God for taking him...I think she was either lying to herself then or she is lying to me now.
All of this is a process, coming in fits and starts, and obviously my faith has been a big part of my healing. I just don't want to give the impression that a magic wand was waved and all was well.
At this point I am able to be thankful for many things, and still very much a work in progress on all of the rest. But we've come a long way, and I'm okay with that.