Today I sat down to write a story from when Rip was in the hospital...it's a great story...one that I will write soon because I want to remember it...but thinking about it made me sad, and it would have made the people I love who read this blog sad and I decided not to write about sad things today.
And that felt good.
The decision not to write about something sad on a beautiful sunny Friday shows me that I am starting to heal a little bit...that I am starting to have some small amount of control on my grief where I used have none.
It feels good not to be completely at the mercy of my emotions...giving in to each and every one. I am so far from being over this grieving process, but Rip is my son and to be able to grieve for him and tell his story the way I want to...not just because I am following some pattern...it feels better this way.
So hopefully I will be able to keep making a choice day to day about what feels right, I think Rip will tell me how his story should be told, I just have to keep listening.