Thursday, August 25, 2011

The (not so Incredible) Hulk

I am not a confrontational person.  Right after Rip died, I just couldn't work up anger.  People were angry on my behalf, Parke was angry, my friends and family were angry...but I think of all of the stages anger is the one I have skipped the most.  Maybe the worst is yet to come, but there was never a period where all I felt was anger.

Now, don't get me wrong...there have been times of short-lived REAL anger.  There have been times that I have been furious with God, angry at the right people, angry at the wrong people...but for me, behind the anger is mostly disappointment and sadness.

Rip got an infection in the hospital after he was born...so far we have not been able to have a meeting with that hospital to explain what they think happened.  Does that make me mad...yeah, absolutely.  But it's hard to explain that anger- is what they tell me going to change the outcome...no, unfortunately not.  But maybe it would help me to know that what happened to us is not going to happen to someone else. I don't blame any one person who worked with Rip, it is more anger at a place...and where does that get me?  Again, I think it is maybe more disappointment than anger...it makes me wonder when people will ever learn how much can be gained by the words "I'm sorry".

But I guess I feel like anger isn't going to get me anywhere.  I also just can't seem to associate Rip with true anger.  He is and always will be such a good thing.

I love Rip.  I love Gracie, and I love Parke.  I love my little family.  I'm not incapable of anger, I just feel like there are more important things and people to take care of right now.

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