These past couple of weeks have been harder than I expected. Logically, it doesn't make much sense...my level of missing Rip is no different just because of the time of year, or the anniversaries coming up...I miss him every day. But subconsciously my mind and body seem to know this is a time to grieve.
A lot of the time it's the days that I don't prepare for that are the hardest, and I've been trying to prepare for Rip's birthday and the seven days that followed since the day we lost him. But some things are just hard no matter how much preparation you have.
It can feel like a setback, when you have had days or weeks when you feel like your old self, to then be thrown back to the vulnerable, weepy you who you don't trust to watch a Hallmark commercial.
But getting through every hard milestone seems to give me a little more strength, strength that has nothing to do with slapping a smile on my face or trying not to cry. It's strength to feel whatever I need to feel as deeply as I need to feel it, and the strength to let others do the same.
One thing that absolutely gives me strength is the upcoming arrival of Miss Gracie, two months from today! Two months still sounds too long to me, but I think I blinked and November was practically here so I have a feeling December 27th is going to get here faster than I can believe! I just can't wait to meet this little girl.