Even after I accepted that life was going to go on without Rip, I had pretty much come to the conclusion that happiness was just no longer in the cards for me. I could not conceive that I would actually feel true joy again after losing him.
The acceptance phase for me has something to do with learning how to fit becoming "The girl who..." (lost her baby) into my life. I had to learn how to fit that new piece of my life into what already existed. It is not been easy, but I have found that "The girl who" can be happy.
Because that girl has a beautiful baby boy and a beautiful baby girl on the way. That girl has faith, friends, and family. That girl can still get so cracked up over ridiculous things that her husband can only shake his head.
Happiness is different now...I won't say that it has more meaning (happy is just happy, not complicated ), but I need it more now than ever. I love those gut-busting moments. My great-grandmother said that you have to find you own happiness and it's true. You have to look for and find those happy moments, and I am so glad that I have been able to discover them again.
So while Rip's death has changed me in so many ways, I am at the point now where I able to have comfort and I am able to have joy...and I like to think my son has his hand in that.