Last night as I climbed in the bed after a long day, I put my hand on my belly and had a moment of just pure joy (I guess these mood swings can go either way). I was thinking about my day: my first prenatal yoga class, what I accomplished at work, the good friends I spoke to for the first time in weeks, the happy conversation I had with my mom on the way home, the comforting sounds of my husband and dog playing downstairs, the little jumping bean in my stomach, and that angel I feel with me wherever I go.
I also had a very vivid memory of lying in this same bed almost eight months ago: hand on an empty belly, quiet house, eyes so swollen I could hardly see, the thought of ever getting up again seeming like the hardest thing in the world...wondering if joy would ever find me again.
So it's not that I have forgotten the pain and the sadness or the fear of the unknown, it is just that I have learned that when you have those moments of pure joy you enjoy Every. Single. Minute.