Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Who Knows What Will Come Of It

For a while now, I've been enamored with the music of Eric Hutchinson (admittedly, this is mainly because one of his songs was featured in the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants movie, which I was equally as enamored with despite being a thirty year-old woman).

Recently I pulled out my Eric Hutchinson CD, hoping the nostalgia would help calm my frayed nerves.  One of the lyrics to his catchy tunes got stuck in my head:

"Who knows what will come of it
I refuse to believe it's all just a waste
Just look around
Everybody's on the food chain, funny
But from day to day we get from bottom to top
And if you get lost, just start over again
But we don't ever get to, no we don't ever get to stop"
That kind of sums up the way I feel these days. Some of the time, I kind of feel like laying down on the floor while everyone just kind of walks over The-Lump-who-used-to-be-Anne.  
It's tough.  Missing Rip is tough, not knowing what's coming next is tough...some days you just can't catch a break.
But I really do refuse to believe it was all just a waste.  Despite not knowing what comes next, I know there are some really good people out there with some really good connections to the Man Upstairs who say prayers for us every day, and that gives me more hope than they will ever know.
And even though today I may feel like an Anne-lump, I am thankful to have people in my life who remind me that this is only temporary...this is my time at the bottom, and there's nowhere to go but up.
So we start over again, and no matter what we don't ever stop.


  1. Hi Anne,
    I found your blog through Faces of Loss of few months ago. I'm not sure why I haven't written to you up to this point, but today I just felt the need to do so. My husband and I lost our baby in November and I feel the exact same way you do, like a total lump (couldn't have put it better myself)! :) I just sent a text to my husband today saying that I just feel like my life has been put on hold...everyone else seems to keep moving on and I feel so stuck.
    We are TTC again, which is terrifying in and of itself. But, what is more terrifying are the negative pregnancy tests every month. The whole process is exhausting! I felt ready to try again, but I felt more ready just to have a positive test, not the constant wondering of when and if it will happen again. That part is just a lot to take right now. I guess I just have to trust the process or something like that!?!? :)
    So, with all that being said...I hear you. I can empathize with how you feel. I'll be thinking of you as you take this next step on your road to bringing home RIP's baby brother or sister someday! Take care of yourself! Kristin

  2. Thanks so much for your note Kristin...I am so sorry for your loss and feel the same way about just wanting that positive test! Wishing you lots of love and luck-Anne

  3. Dear Anne.

    I'm currently watching Creature of the Black Lagoon with my niece and nephewes when my niece said "-who knows what will come up" which I googled and found your blog.

    ...Well, I just felt like writing this since I believe in fate and--well, yeah~ :D