Last night Parke and I went out to dinner and ran into one of our favorite nurses from my time in the hospital. We hugged, and talked for a minute, Parke and I got into our car and both of us cried. As Parke said, "Who would have ever thought we would look back at that as a happy time?"
But it was. Seeing her brought back so many memories of the people that fought so hard right along with me for five weeks in that hospital. Catherine, who cleaned my room every single day, honestly giving me a new lease on life each time she was there. Kevin, who brought me five weeks worth of bagels and grilled cheese...I believe he had just as much to do with Rip hitting that 5 lb goal of mine as I did. My doctor, Dr. Bridget Williamson, who sat by my bed at least once a day and had tears in her eyes the day Rip was born...I know this was a loss for her too. And finally the nurses on the Labor and Delivery Ward...too many to name individually although they all deserve the recognition...they are the ones who came running in the middle of the night at every ache and pain, brought books to keep me entertained, made me laugh when things seemed anything but funny, and two nights before Rip was born, threw us a potluck dinner...even after everything that happened that celebration still makes me smile.
All of these people lost right along with us. Right now, it's just too hard for me to go back to that hospital and thank them the way I want to. I don't know if I ever will be able to do that, but I hope so. Maybe one day, when there is a baby on my hip, I will be able to go back. As always, not because that baby will ever replace the one we all fought so hard for, but because I feel like maybe they need to hold someone in their arms just as badly as I do.