As you probably already know, occasionally I worry that I sound a little too Pollyanna-ish (and to quote my friend Walker, "the only good part of that movie is when she falls out of the tree").
The night of the anniversary of Rip's passing away, I got the stomach flu. For those that know me, you know this was a big deal. I HATE to throw up. Up until recently I was on a 19 year span of not getting sick once, and that included college. My parents never even gave me the "don't drink to much" spiel because they knew I would never knowingly put myself in that position.
I can't remember if I've mentioned it before, but there is a Minnie Driver movie called Return to Me that has one line that always pops in my head during this type of situation, As I found myself huddled on the bathroom floor the other night writhing around in misery, I pictured good old Minnie screaming at the top of her lungs "WHAT WAS GOD THINKING?!!"
But you know what the one good thing about having the stomach flu is? Getting over the stomach flu. Waking up the next day was pure bliss. It was over, I could drink flat Sprite and eat saltines and watch bad daytime TV. Was it worth it? Probably not...but sometimes you are just thankful to have made it to the other side.
Losing my child is nothing like having a 24 hour bug. I wont ever "get over" losing Rip. It's not something I can compare to anything else in my life. But I am glad to have made it through these last two years. I am glad to be where I am now instead of where I was November 19th, 2010.
I try, and often fail, to stay positive. I have more than my fair share of "What was God Thinking?" moments. But once you've fallen out of the tree there are only so many options.