Sometimes I think that if I were on the outside looking in on my situation, it would appear easy...almost the best solution...to try to forget everything that happened with Rip. Here I am with this perfect baby girl just a year later, I hold in my arms everything that I ever wanted.
But I'm not on the outside and sometimes I am reminded just how much of my heart my firstborn took with him. I unexpectedly come across a picture or a reminder of Rip and the blow comes fast and furious. There is such an intense longing there.
I think it speaks to what it really means to be a mother, it doesn't matter if you never get to know him, know him for a short while or have years together, a child is yours forever. Their loss puts a hole in your heart that even the best surgeons can't fix.
I am blessed, blessed, blessed and lucky, lucky, lucky to be living the life I am living right now. But a piece of me is gone forever and for that reason the same piece will remain with me always.