Sunday, March 11, 2012

Piece of my heart

Sometimes I think that if I were on the outside looking in on my situation, it would appear easy...almost the best solution...to try to forget everything that happened with Rip.  Here I am with this perfect baby girl just a year later, I hold in my arms everything that I ever wanted. 

But I'm not on the outside and sometimes I am reminded just how much of my heart my firstborn took with him.  I unexpectedly come across a picture or a reminder of Rip and the blow comes fast and furious.  There is such an intense longing there.

I think it speaks to what it really means to be a mother, it doesn't matter if you never get to know him, know him for a short while or have years together, a child is yours forever.  Their loss puts a hole in your heart that even the best surgeons can't fix.

I am blessed, blessed, blessed and lucky, lucky, lucky to be living the life I am living right now.  But a piece of me is gone forever and for that reason the same piece will remain with me always.

1 comment:

  1. I'm there, too. Only 18 days now, but there. I miss Andrew with such ferocity, but I am so happy to be holding his little brother. I'll always have a bit missing, but luckily the love is 100% there.

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