I love to read, always have. So over the past three months I've read book after book trying to find comfort, these are the books that have given me the most...
Pregnancy After a Loss: A Guide to Pregnancy After a Miscarriage, Stillbirth, or Infant Death by Carol Cirulli Lanham
Believe it or not, this was the first book I read after we lost Rip. Even though I was clearly nowhere near ready to have another child, this book gave me hope. My initial reaction to Rip's death was " I can never go through this again." Almost immediately after was, "I want to have more children". A friend of a friend sent this book to me and it was so encouraging. The author lost her baby boy at full term and went on to have two healthy children. Without being unrealistic, the book reminds you that most women go on to have healthy babies after a loss. And truly, that is all I wanted to hear then and all that I want to hear now.
Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief by Martha W. Hickman
A friend of my mom's who lost a child recommended this book to her and we have both loved it. Each day has a short message on dealing with grief, which was especially great in those first days of grieving when my attention span was non-existent. One of the recommendations out of this book was to start writing everything down, and I have been so glad that I did.
Heaven is for Real: A Little Boy's Astounding Story of His Trip to Heaven and Back by Todd Burpo
I can't remember how I heard about this book, I think it is relatively new. After Rip died I became obsessed with learning about Heaven, finding out more about where my child was living. This book answered a lot of my questions. This little boy got a glimpse of heaven, and I think I just felt safer hearing it from a child's perspective...it helped me picture Rip there.
I Will Carry You: The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy by Angie Smith
Angie Smith lost her daughter in a different way than I lost Rip, but so many of her feelings were the same that it was comforting to read this book and feel like I could relate. I think it always helps to be able to see someone else in a similar situation and say okay, this worked for her or she felt like this too...it makes a situation that should never be normal feel a little bit more so.
Anne's House of Dreams by L.M. Montgomery
Now I will admit, this probably would not do it for everyone, but I have already talked about my love of the Anne of Green Gables series. When we were in Tortola, I re-read this one and realized that Anne (the character) also lost her first baby. It was amazing to me that something written 100 years ago could capture the exact emotions that I am feeling today.
I think in the end, you just want to find some words that make you feel like you aren't the only person in the world that has ever felt this (sad, angry, hopeless, confused, etc. etc.) on any given day, and these books have given me those words.