With what could very well be the final indignity of being put in the hospital, I am now wearing compression hose. For those that don't know, these are the opaque white thigh-highs that are allegedly used to prevent blood clots...I think they are just form of cruel and unusual punishment. I look like a nurse from the 60's with a geriatric flair. I am not kidding, these things are awful...just add some varicose veins and wrinkles and you may as well start calling me Gertrude.
So now, in addition having to discuss my bathroom habits at length each day, I have to sit with my leg above my head while a member of of the hospital staff wrestled these aggressively tight stockings up over my aforementioned measly calves and burgeoning thighs.
I did just start to wonder if the compression could start to keep my legs from getting any larger...hmmmm, if these hose will allow me to eat a few more peanut m&m's then disregard everything I just said!