Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Down but not out...or how to look good on bedrest

Now working my way to week two of bedrest, I have learned a few things about what it takes to stay sane when you are not able to do anything but sit on your big duff all day. For me, the key to making it through the day without chucking the remote at Matt Lauer's big stupid grinning face (which would be impossible anyway because the remote is one of those annoying hospital things that is attached to your bed) is to try to keep up appearances. I soon realized that I would be seeing more people while I was on bedrest than I usually see in any given month, so this was not the time for me to let myself go into greasy hair, sweatpant mode.

Here are just a few tips in case you ever find yourself in a similar situation:
1. If you are able to shower..shower. Maybe even two or three times a day. This will make you feel like a new person, you will never again be so thankful for the opportunity to shave your legs and slap on a little moisturizer.

2. Demand that someone change your sheets daily. I know, this is not something I thought much about in "normal" life either...but seriously do it. When you get up for your shower only to look down and see half of the chicken salad you had for lunch yesterday has been hiding under your left butt cheek you will be darn glad it won't be there all day.

3. Choose an outfit that does not make you feel like someone off of "What Not to Wear". It may be cute and carefree to throw on some old clothes and run to the grocery store in real life, but when you are sitting in a hospital bed it just looks pitiful. A further recommendation is to put on something with color, even though vampires are in right now, you are no Bella Swan.

4. Now that you are clean and back in the bed, take the time to put on some make-up. You have nothing else to do and slapping on some "dramatic eye" wear will not kill you, it will only make you stronger.

5. As a grand finale, put on your best dangly earrings. Even if you have ignored numbers 1-4, you can distract and dazzle even the most critical of visitors with some shoulder-length sparkles.

Bonus** If you are willing to go the extra mile, have someone give you a pedicure. Nothing says invalid like nasty toenails. Use a bright color, another terrific distraction and a necessary accessory for your anti-embolism hose.

So that's it! I hope that you don't end up in this situation, but just in case, don't give up hope. I would also like to issue an apology to Matt Lauer, I don't normally want to smash your face in...just when I wake up to find I am laying on some old deli-spread.

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