Monday, June 11, 2012

What a beautiful mess

Today some work colleagues and I were talking about a girl we know and what kind of guy she was looking for...tall, funny and willing to travel.  To which I said, "until she falls in love with a short, serious homebody"

Because isn't that the way life is? You plan and you plan and you watch all of those plans go right out the window.

Sometimes it is heartbreaking.  All those plans I made to bring my firstborn home...and poof, gone.

Sometimes it is better than you could have ever imagined.  All those fears I had that my second born would never come home...and every night I get to rock her to sleep.

I love to tell God what to do.  I have to laugh when I look back at some of the prayers I've written down over the years...they often start with, "I know you have a plan and you are in control BUT..." and then I go on and tell Him how I think things could be done better.

Life can be really hard and unfair.  There have been times where I have been left wondering what the heck we are all doing here.  And then there are those happiest of times, the times that you wish you could put your arms around and squeeze like one of those big stuffed animals nobody ever wins at the fair.  And somehow it all kind of comes together and makes you...you.

Someday I hope I learn to let go, to stop trying to control everything and everyone around me...but I think that is probably unlikely, it's just not who I am. What I have learned is that not everything in this world is good, some things are just no good messes no matter how you try to dress them up.

But oh gosh are there ever some wonderful, beautiful things behind all that mess.

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