It's been a heck of a 24 hours. Yesterday, I had my last ultrasound with Gracie. There was quite a language barrier between the tech and myself, and although I warned her she was dealing with a crazy woman who needed as much reassurance as possible, let's just say she did not heed my advice.
Granted, she didn't say anything was really wrong with Gracie, she just didn't tell me that there wasn't. The session ended with her hustling me back to the waiting room, telling me the doctor would be with me shortly to go over the results. Hysterics ensued, Parke was called and being the good husband that he is came right away, and there we sat waiting on the doctor. Who came in and told us he didn't think we had anything to worry about. This was more than enough for Parke, but I was beside myself. To put it mildly, I lost it yesterday.
It was one of the lowest points I've had since we lost Rip. I was basically without faith, hope, trust...you name it, I didn't have it. I was determined to cling to all of the scary maybes, it was and to an extent still is literally beyond me to believe that we could just be normal this time around, have a healthy baby and go home and live our lives... that is what I want more than anything in the world.
Enter my mom, and Parke, and my dad, and countless girlfriends I couldn't live without...all telling me that they believe with their whole hearts this baby is going to be fine. Enter a 10:00 pm email from my doctor (who was not in the office yesterday), followed by a cell phone call this morning, telling me she also believes this baby is going to be just fine. What a difference a day makes.
It may be beyond me at this point to believe in the best. But the lesson I have learned over and over again this year is that God knows when life gets to be much, and he sends just the right people to believe for you until you have the strength to drag yourself back up again. So thankful for my people.