Gracie "failed" one of the first tests she was ever given...the hearing test. The nurse told me in somber tones that my child failed her hearing test...when I asked for further elaboration, she said that she passed one ear and failed the other...and when she tried again, Gracie passed the other ear but failed on the one she had previously passed. So, in my estimation she passed..not so much according to the doctors, who scheduled us with a pediatric audiologist earlier this week.
I enlisted my mother-in-law to come along for the ride, as any trip to the hospital is traumatic for me and I am still too chicken to go anywhere with Gracie by herself. Off we went, arriving right on time and weaving our way through the maze, baby bags, baby seat, and sleeping baby in tow. And there we sat for 30 minutes, where sleeping baby became screaming baby.
When the doctor finally came out, she looked at me pointedly and asked "is your baby going to go back to sleep?" Umm...my baby is four weeks old. If I knew when she was going to sleep, my eyes would not have bags under them so big you could vacation for a month.
When I said as much, she conceded to bring me back to her office and suggested I feed the baby. So there I sat, dripping sweat from the fifteen layers I'd worn on an 80 degree day and the excessive hormones coursing through my body, while I stripped down and exposed myself while my mother-in-law and doctor looked on.
As soon as the child calmed down, the doctor started scrubbing her head with sandpaper to "attach electrodes". You can imagine how well that went over, not to mention by this point I was so hot I was afraid Gracie would sweat them right off. Finally, Gracie calmed down from her first exfoliation and there we all sat, waiting for her to fall asleep...an audiologist, my mother-in-law, me and my exposed chest.
Finally, the doctor said, "okay..she is showing no brain activity..let's do the test." At which point I looked down only to find Gracie staring at me with eyes wide open. It was like that final scene in Ghostbusters before the Stay-Puffed Marshmallow man shows up...my only though was "don't think ANYTHING!" Maybe I should have been more concerned that she appeared not to have a thought in her head when wide awake, but Gracie has no problem telling us what is on her mind on a regular basis, so my only concern was putting my shirt back on and getting the heck out of there.
As predicted, Gracie can hear just fine. Throughout the ordeal, I really tried to remember that there were plenty of parents who came to that office and received bad news about their child's hearing. You don't have to tell me twice what a blessing it is to have a healthy child. Still...I am pretty sure I could have banged on a pot beside her head and saved us all from the whole ordeal.