You know how sometimes you have that feeling of dread, and you can't quite put your finger on what's causing it. I hate that. And I've been having it a lot lately.
Things have happened to people I know and love that aren't fair. There are children who have been hurt, some who have died. Don't even get me started on the news...
So my heart has been heavy, and anxious. And maybe this makes me not a very good Christian but when everything feel out of control like this, I need a reminder that God is in control.
Yesterday was full of passing (literal) storms to accompany the mental ones, so I tossed up a prayer, suggesting maybe my old pal the rainbow would be really helpful in times like these.
I stood outside for a while, ignoring passing neighbors wondering why the h I was standing out in the rain, waiting for my sign to appear. It didn't.
And because I am borderline obsessive, what started out as a little "Hey, God, it sure would be nice if..." now became a full-on mental/spiritual breakdown. I stood outside for an hour in the drizzle until finally shuffled in with nothing but the start of a migraine to show for it.
Wiping away my tears, I started cleaning the kid's artwork up while ushering them into the bath. As they ran away I picked up the picture Gracie drew for me- a very flattering depiction of the two of us, holding hands with " I LOVE YOU", written underneath.
On the back she'd drawn a huge rainbow.
This morning I told Gracie the whole story, how I'd been praying and asked God for a rainbow and she gleefully got to the punchline before I did, knowing she'd been the one to provide it.
Sammy, quickly closing in on my (insert sarcasm here) favorite age of the three is not pleased by much these days, and asked darkly, "Why'd Dod do dat?"
Gracie said, "Because Mama needed a rainbow."
Then she paused.
"But Mama...God is listening to you even if He doesn't show you a rainbow"
And I think maybe that right there was my rainbow.