Thursday, May 1, 2014

Fear and Facebook

Like most people I know, I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. Sometimes, though, mine is more of a love/fear relationship.

More and more, I see stories of children who are sick or dying showing up on my feed. There are desperate pleas from family members to pray, pray, pray for these precious little people. I don't blame them one single bit- had I the presence of mind to do so at the time, Rip's story would have been broadcast over social media site imaginable. Your child is in trouble and you reach out to every conceivable source for help.

The thing is, I click on every single story I see about these babies. And I know what I'm doing, deep down I'm thinking that if I read them, if I pray for them, I can somehow stop whatever scary thing it might be from happening to us. Its selfish. And, of all people, I know this is not true. I read every single thing I could get my hands on about vasa previa and premature babies when I got my diagnosis with Rip. In the end, I couldn't stop what happened.

I truly believe in a sovereign God, a God who does not make mistakes, but somehow that doesn't stop me from being so very afraid. I look at Gracie, or feel Sam kick, and then I read something about another child- and with Facebook, it is often someone I know through a few degrees of separation- and it all seems so out of control.

And I know, its FACEBOOK, for heaven's sakes- its not like someone is forcing me to be there. But I can't quite convince myself to stay away.

I'm not sure that there is much of a point to this post, more just cathartic writing on my part. In the end, I know that I don't want to pass along a legacy of fear to my children. I know that I need to start seeing things for what they are, to live outside of me head. I know there are parents out there who need prayers right now, and not in some imagined future. And I know neither fear nor Facebook is where I need to be looking for answers.

4 comments:

  1. Thank you so much for this post...I've been experiencing anxiety more lately, and my Mom and I have talked about how we have access to SO MUCH information these days...that it's great in many ways...but it can also cause so much more anxiety, too. Point being, I totally agree with your love/fear assessment.

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    1. Glad I'm not the only one! Its just hard to tear away sometimes!

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  2. Oh Anne, I am in such a similar boat with my Facebook babies. So often Bryan will look over (after hearing me sniffle) and ask what I'm doing. When I start to tell him he usually cuts me off mid-sentence with, "Stop reading that. You can't take on every cause." (That makes him sound callous, I promise he is the opposite of that.) It is hard though. I think having been in scary places with our children we know what those mothers crying out for help feel like (to some degree) and we know we'd never wish that gut-wrenching fear on our worst enemy. I'm not sure there's much of a point to my comment other than to say that this post, in addition to so much else that you say, resonates with me. Thanks, Friend.

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    1. Parke is the exact same way, he can't understand why I keep doing it to myself...must be a mama thing. So glad (and yet not glad) that I am not the only one!
      xoxoxo

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