I read a book this week that I would HIGHLY recommend. It's called What Happy People Know by Dan Baker (Ph.D)...the author just so happened to have lost an infant son, which of course made it more relatable to me, but regardless the whole book was one of those where I had my pen out the whole time and ended up underlining half of every page.
There was one quote that got me good.
"Sometimes when our minds and bodies are shattered by life, it's only the spirit that can knit us whole and keep us alive."
As soon as I ready those words I got a huge lump in my throat and and had to blink back tears for the better part of a minute. I just knew what he was talking about.
The other day, I was with my friend Sarah. Sarah has been through more in the past few years than most people go through in a lifetime. She lost her mom, lost her daughter, had another pregnancy loss...so the other day, when Sarah casually said, "I think I am a fairly resilient person", I busted out laughing. I would say that is the understatement of the century. Sarah has more spirit in her pinkie finger than some have in their whole bodies. In fact, that is true of most of the Baby Loss Mamas that I've met.
The image that quote brought back to me was just a flash. A flash of standing in the shower, water streaming down on a broken body with a baby no longer inside of it and no baby to hold on to. A flash of a mind blank with grief. A flash of a girl whose happy life had been shattered. And yet, in that flash there was a little curl of fight. That little something that kept her holding on. That told her it was time to start again.
Whether it be holy or human, thank God for the spirit.