I realized today that I have a lot I need to write about. Namely Gracie's first birthday and Gracie's first Christmas.
Those are HUGE milestones in any kids life, but if there ever comes a time that Gracie wants to read this blog, I want her to know just how much she is loved and what an answer to a prayer she is. Yes, I want this blog to document Rip's life and how he shaped our family, but that goes for Gracie and whoever else comes along too.
What brought all of this on you ask? You didn't, but I will answer anyway. A craving for hot chocolate that brought back a long forgotten memory.
When I was pregnant with Gracie I lived in constant...fear is probably too light of a word...total terror is probably more accurate...that something would happen to her before I got to hold her in my arms. Losing Rip taught me how precious every second we have with our children truly is. I still believe that, not in a morbid way, but in a children really are miracles kind of way.
Anyway, my doctors tried to ease my constant anxiety with weekly non-stress tests. Whoever named those things clearly never had one. I get that they are not supposed to put any stress on the baby, but I was sweating bullets. The deal is that you get to listen to the heartbeat, see if you are having any contractions, and the baby is supposed to move a certain amount of times in fifteen minutes. The first week there were four of us lined up, huge bellies out, watching what somebody's idea of a cruel joke...a birthing movie. Ten minutes in guess whose baby hadn't moved yet?
Eventually, after being "buzzed" (they actually put a large buzzer to your stomach and for all intent and purposes scare the baby half out of his or her mind), she moved...but I spent the next week convinced something was wrong. So I took matters into my own hands. From then on, each week on the way to my appointment, I stopped at Starbucks for a tall hot chocolate. The kid never failed a test again and neither of us was in the least bit stressed (or buzzed off of anything except chocolate).
So today I had a random craving and stopped for some hot chocolate. All of the sudden, those feelings came rushing back.. All of that fear and yearning for my baby girl and wondering if she was ever, ever going to be in my arms...just all of it. And now she is here, and it was so worth it.
I want to make sure that she knows that, and her whole little life is documented here right along with her brother's. More Gracie to come (who, by the way, loves anything chocolate...hot or not.)