When I started this "Year Two, Find Happiness" thing (a whole week ago), I wasn't in a very happy place. I kept coming across all of these things saying that God wants us to have joyful lives, and I just wasn't feeling it. I guess my reason for saying that is I am not trying to be all "Rah Rah Sis Boom Bah" (do cheerleaders EVER say that?) about being happy, I think I just needed a wake-up call that it was time to start actively seeking joy in my life again.
And I am not talking about finding joy in something tragic. I ache for Rip, in my very core. Grieving for him is a part of who I am now, and its a daily process.
But the other day, after we found out we rented our house, I was talking to my mom on the phone. She said something to the effect of how amazing it was that my three biggest prayers after we lost Rip were that I would have a healthy baby, Parke would find a job he liked, and we would be able to move...and now all three had been answered. You know what my first reaction was, before I caught myself? My first thought was "well, yeah...but Gracie is still in daycare and I don't get to see her enough." How awful is that? Three HUGE prayers answered and I am so focused on what is wrong that I can't be thankful for a minute?
There are always going to be thing to pray for...and with the track record mentioned above, I should be looking forward to the results! But in the meantime, I want to really concentrate on finding joy in my life...as it is today...again.
Because when gets Gracie is old enough to sing "I've got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart"...I want her to know what she is singing about.