I will be the first to admit, I can be pretty cynical. It goes against my nature to act too "sweetsy" about anything, I always feel the need to follow sentimentality with a joke or sarcastic comment. I'm not a huge fan of romantic comedies or things of that nature, I think I am the only person in the world that hated The Notebook.
Yesterday was All Saints Day at our church. It is a day where, as my pastor told Parke and me, "we honor all of the saints, even the littlest ones". Rip's name was the first read out loud during the service. I would never have chosen for my child to be a saint, but hearing him commemorated in that way reminded me of how special he is. I felt pride along with my sadness. I am so thankful for his life, for the mere fact that he was and still is remembered and loved.
Later in the day we held Gracie's baby shower. It was a happy, happy time. So many family and friends, all there to celebrate her life, just as we celebrated her brother's earlier in the day.
After Rip died, I had moments where I would walk into a crowded place, look at all of the people, and recognize that they were all once babies. At that time, my thoughts were darker and I felt bitter that all of these "babies" made it when mine didn't. I was in the frame of mind that it is a miracle that anyone makes it into this world at all. Now I realize it is a miracle.
The lives that I celebrated yesterday are miracles...I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes or putting in a sarcastic comment here...but it's true. This little girl that is growing inside of me is a miracle, and I am so thankful for the chance to celebrate her. The family and friends that surround me in the good times and the bad are part of that miracle too.
So, like that good old Grinch, my heart has grown a few sizes this year. Maybe it is the spirit of the season, but I'm not afraid to say that I believe in saints and miracles and all that jazz. Just don't ask me to watch The Notebook, I have limits.