Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Seeing is not always believing

I love babies, always have, always will.  I also, for the most part, love seeing the babies grow that were born around the same time as Rip.  It makes me so happy to see them getting bigger and staying healthy, I say special prayers for all of them.

Sometimes seeing pictures of babies, especially those born around the time Rip was born, is really hard.  It hits home that I don't know what Rip would have looked like at 2, 4, 6 months old.  We have a handful of pictures from his short life, and those are the only images I will ever be able to close my eyes and see.

But I try to remind myself that I knew, and know, that little boy right down to his very core.  I knew him (and knew it WAS a him) from the first moment of his existence.  I knew he was a night owl like his daddy and loved chocolate pudding as much as his mama.  I knew that my voice and my touch calmed him like nothing else in this world, both inside my belly and out.  I knew that he was just a stubborn as his daddy when it came to doing something that did not suit (both inside my belly and out...the nurses very nicely described him as "feisty").

So I know that when the day comes that I get to hold him again, even if I don't know what he looks like, I will know him...just as I always have...right down to his little core. 

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