Saturday, January 29, 2011

On being Anne*

* I realize I said that Rip's story would be the last time I posted before we left town...but I had one more thing to say!

I've been a huge fan of Anne of Green Gables since I discovered her somewhere around the age of eight or nine.  Anne (that of Green Gables) also realized the importance of the "e" in her name...those of you whose name can be spelled several ways completely understand what I am saying here.  The Ann's of the world are just all together different from the Anne's...neither are better or worse, but I am an Anne "with an e", as was she.

I, like everyone else, have spent the majority of my thirty years so far trying to "find myself".  I think maybe in the last two or so years I was finally starting to feel a little more comfortable with who I am...a little clumsy, a little shy, pretty funny when you get to know me (if I do say so myself).

And then this happened.  Bam, world turned upside down.  I don't know who I am anymore, I am scared to death of what the future may hold.  I start to doubt my past.  Even when I think of wonderful memories of my childhood it can make me sad, because I think, "oh, but that girl does not know what is going to happen to her in 5..10..15 years!"

But then I came across a quote from Anne of Green Gables, it reads "I'm not a bit changed--not really. I'm only just pruned down and branched out. The real ME--back here--is just the same"

And it's true.  I am forever changed in some ways...but the real me is still in there, and all of those good and bad things, Rip's birth and death included, that went into making me have just changed my shape a bit.  The real part, the Anne "with an e" part, will always be the same.

4 comments:

  1. We love you, Anne (with an e)! Hope you and Parke have fun on y'alls trip!!! :)

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  2. Anne, I found your blog through a mutual friend (Katherine Mattice) who married a friend of mine from high school. Anyway, we lost our 9 month old baby girl to SIDS (whatever that means) in early November and I can empathize with what you are going through tremendously. Just wanted to let you know that you and your husband are in my prayers. I am sure that Rip and Olivia are playing in heaven together awaiting our reunions for eternity. I don't know about you, but I am looking forward to the day when this life just seems like the blink of an eye! I hope you are able to get some r and r on vacation. We are going skiing next week and I can't wait for the break.

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  3. For obvious reasons, that has always been one of my favorite series of books (and movies), too. What a perfect quote to pull out of it. Hope your trip is wonderful!

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  4. I am so sorry about the loss of your son, Rip. I read his story with tears in my eyes.
    I really like what you wrote here. It is so very true that we are still us in the core. And I hope that you can hold on to that.
    Enjoy your trip!
    ~C

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