Tuesday, November 30, 2010

She's Come Undone

I swear EVERYBODY I run in to has a baby. Particularly if I happen to be in Target. Every single person in Target has a child, and most of them are acting like really crummy parents. They yell, or worse ignore, their kids and all I want to do is grab them by the collar and scream in their faces " DO YOU KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE TO HAVE THIS KID??? ACT LIKE IT! NOW HAVE A NICE DAY AND ENJOY YOUR NACHOS AND CHERRY SLURPEE."

But I don't, instead I pray to God that I have taken enough Ativan to get me out of the store without having a major meltdown.

My latest thing is just this crippling fear that I won't be able to have any more children. That Rip was it and I did not even realize it. I feel like if someone had told me before Rip that I could not have kids, I am sure I would have put on quite a show of moaning and groaning. But I would not have really known what I was missing. Now I know. I know the moment that baby cries your life changes forever. I know that my husband is the best father in the world. I know the sheer terror and absolute love of being a mother. And now I don't think I can live without that.

If I am lucky enough to do this again, I won't take one minute of it for granted.

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