These are just a few things that have been said and done to me in the past five months. This post is "Part 1", because I have 4 months left, which leaves plenty of opportunity for people to say stupid stuff. Let's review...
Scenario One: Oh, wow! You are 2 minutes pregnant?! Let me squeeze the fool out of your stomach.
Reason why it is Unacceptable: If I am not currently feeling my child move, there is absolutely no good reason for your hand to be on my stomach. I am informed on a weekly basis that this thing growing inside of me is the size of grape, so whatever you are grabbing is most likely the McFlurry I couldn't pass up on my way home from work. Hands off. This rule applies double if I met you in the last five minutes.
Scenario 2: Whoa, you are really getting HUGE!
Reason why it is Unacceptable: I really would think this should be self-explanatory, but no. Here is a tip, if you would not say it to a woman who is not pregnant, probably pretty unwise to a woman so hopped up on hormones she she is capable of almost anything. Including commenting on your recent weight gain.
Scenario 3: My niece/cousin/neighbor once removed just had a miscarriage at (insert your week of pregnancy here)
Reason why it is Unacceptable: Okay, pregnancy is one of the most nerve wracking times of a woman's life. And while I am certainly sympathetic towards your grocery bagger's recent misfortune, there is absolutely no reason I need to hear about it in my current state. This also holds true for any of the horror-filled birth stories you may have experienced. I am happy to hear about how they had to take out all of your internal organs to save your little bundle of joy, but let's save it for another time, kay?
Scenario 4: Does your face break out like that normally?
Reason why it is Unnacceptable: Seriously people. Pregnancy is full of lovely little gems that nobody talks about until they happen. The fact that you could cook french fries on my face is just one of them. If you want to get into the large purple vein running down my right boob we can, if not, best just to tell me I am glowing an move on.
So, I hope we have all learned a little something from this. Basically the same rules apply for pregnancy as they did in kindergarten..if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.